Week nine and I had exactly one week until the big race. I was now able to walk/run around the block 3 times without having go directly to the ER, which was quite an accomplishment for me. But I wanted more, I wanted to be able to run across that finish line, collect that trophy and rub it in that rnb diva bitches’ face!! I cut out all sweets except for snickers shakes before during and after my workouts. You might ask “kelly why’re you eating a candy bar if you’re trying to lose weight??” My response would be to run you over with my 1992 conversion van and laugh at you because you’re REALLY trying my patience. But to be honest, snickers shakes count more as protein since they have peanuts and good stuff like nougat in them. I think nougat is full of vitamin c or maybe even d. Speaking of D, I was missing my dick dealer Jeffery. Since I found him eating out a certain rnb diva bitch I decided to kick him out of the house. I told him to go be with that rnb diva bitch and that’s exactly what he did. He moved into her section 8 housing with her and her 6 kids. I decided to drive by and see for myself. I hopped inside my conversion van and headed that way. As I was rounding the block for her project building something stopped me in my tracks; a “hot donuts NOW” sign flashing. I had my van up on two wheels trying to get in that parking lot. There was an old woman and her grandson in line waiting and I tripped the old woman. Before she knew what hit her she was lying flat on the floor. Everyone in the shop ran to assist her and while they were helping her I stepped over her and walked up to the counter. Some people may ask me “kelly why would you do that??” And my response would be “Dont you know im kelly price and I’ll throw a brick at your face??” Anyway, I walked up to the counter and I was in awe. I saw so many different types of donuts. I decided to stick with my diet though. I chose half a dozen strawberry cheesecake donuts. They had fresh strawberries on top and a cream cheese filling which is calcium. I then chose blue berry qwwglazed donuts, pecan sticky buns and a peach crumb cake bites. Once I had my morning snack I drove over to Lil Mo’s apartment. There was a busted window with shattered glass ALLOVER the sidewalk. A feral cat hopped through the broken window and had a seat on the plastic lawn chairs in the front room. Lil mo came sauntering into the living room wearing cheap lingerie and even cheaper heels. Apparently she decided to prepare breakfast for Jeffery, my husband, which was laughable. She had sugar slurps, toaster bites, french toast sticks and hot sausage links. She clearly got out her finest paper plates to serve Jeffery this meal. As I saw them eating I had so many questions, why her and not me? What did she do that I couldn’t? Should I turn her in for mismanaging her food stamps that the government gives her for her half dozen kids? I was full of emotion. I was also full of regret for not taking them up on that “buy 1 dozen, get 1 dozen half off” sale at the bakery. After this I think I’ll slide back over to the bakery for that second dozen. After Jeffery had finished his breakfast, lil mo and Jeffery began to get comfortable on the couch. Apparently they had no problem with the broken window and lack of blinds which allowed me to see everything that was going on. I was shocked by the sight of lil mo without her wig. She was bald. And not that “im a natural hair goddess” type bald, I mean she looked a mess!! Her unspeakable parts were hairy and unkempt. Didn’t seem to mind to Jeffery because he allowed her to mount him and ride him like a race horse. I had to put a stop to this so I got out of the car and jumped through the window. The only problem was the window was kind of small so I became stuck in the window. Lil mo jumped up from the couch. She stood there scared and naked. Her hairy private parts were on full display. She tried to explain but I slapped her in her mouth and told her to shut up and sit down. She scurried over to the couch and I wiggled my way through the window. Lil mo coward in a corner of the couch. She was obviously scared for her life. I asked her why, why did she take my husband? Why did she want to hurt me soo badly? What happened to her rnb divas money to where she was living in the projects with pregnant cats in her living room?
Lil mo explained that times were hard and her quarterly $1,500 def jam royalty checks had dried up and she was just trying to make ends meet. She was tired of being mocked and ridiculed by the public and she felt like Jeffery was always there for her. I had to leave. It was just too much for me and I had to leave. I climbed out the window, got stuck a little and then wiggled my way out the window. I ran to my van and started crying. I couldn’t believe it. They weren’t sneaking around, they were doing it literally right in front of my face. I stuffed my face with donuts and then I thought for a second: I RAN to my car!! I didn’t need to stop mid way through for a break or anything!! While today obviously wasn’t the best day, I was at least feeling good about winning this race. The race was coming up and I couldn’t wait to win that award and rub it in lil mo’s face.
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