How to lose a husband on Christmas Eve

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“I found love on a two way street. And lost it on a lonely high way” we all know this song, but honey let me tell you ive lived it. Well let me clarify, *I* haven’t been through that, but my neighbour has.
Let me preface this by saying the following:
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I’m known by several different names: Ms. Pearl, Gladys Kravitz, all that shit. My family started calling me Pearl [from 227] when I was younger because I STAYED in everyone’s affairs on the street. I knew what time everyone got home, what time they left and who they left with. Many people would say “get you some business” my response is always “girl, go to hell on a scholarship”. Being interested and looking out for people and making sure everyone is good and a big responsibility. You may say: oh Jaime; you’re bad, but honey my neighbours are WAY worse!!!

Anyway back to the story. On a cold snowy Christmas Eve I had just finished making tamales and getting ready for Christmas when something said “Jaime go look out the window” so that’s exactly what I did. The snow was still coming down like crazy outside but my neighbour was headed to work. She’s an ER nurse so she gets no days off. Girl, whatever.
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I went back to watching “Full House” and minding my business. About 20 minutes later I heard someone pull up, skkkkrrr and I said “hmm, that’s interesting, ive never seen this car before” a woman got out of the car and walked up to the house.
My neighbour’s husband: Joe came outside and greeted the woman.
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Joe was ex military, big muscular guy. When he saw the woman that we’ll call “Bopsy” he enthusiastically snatched Bopsy up and twirled her around. It looked like some real sweet valley high type shit. They went inside the house and did God knows what for the next several hours.
By this time I was settling down for a long winter’s nap because Santa was about to slide through and I had my eye on a bubble coat and a pair of sling back mini heel clogs. Was planning to really give it to em in the name of the Lord at Christmas mass. I laid down on the couch just for a few. Knowing that Santa runs on CP time, I had plenty of time to nap and then tip toe upstairs to bed. Anyway, I heard a racket outside.
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Sure enough these two bastards had the dog outside and were playing in the snow. By this time it’s midnight, bitch Yall are just being bold now.
I told my family “hey this is what I saw” and they were like “Jaime, bye”
Well sure enough by February first this man, his dog and his big muscular frame were gone. No more shirtless cutting of the grass, no more hauling random guy stuff like tree trunks, small farm animals and car parts. All that stuff was DONE!
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In hindsight if her husband was a real B about business he would have brought his rubbers and made a trip across town to get some. He’d still have his marriage to Becky and a fly ass nosy neighbour [me] across the street.
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Anyway, my neighbour “Becky” decided to date. And when I say date I mean DATE!!! That spring/summer she had at least 5-10 different guys at her place. She must have been testing out her pussy brakes because she had ALL the men over at her house.
Im not sure what happened to her husband and his muscles. Im tempted to ask her what happened to her husband and maybe I’ll make that an update.

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